Day 9: Things You Are Looking Forward to in 2012

Day 9:  Things You Are Looking Forward to in 2012
I am looking forward to lots of things in 2012.  One of them would be our income tax return!  We are in desperate need of a new garage door.  Ours must be the original garage door (our house was built in either 1975 or 1976) because it is wood and the bottom is peeling upward.  There is enough space between the bottom of the garage door and the concrete slab that we have a little chipmunk that runs in and out of the garage!  I think he considers the garage his winter living space.  I wouldn’t be surprised if the garage door opener is the original one as well, so when we replace the garage door we will replace the opener as well.  We will be purchasing one of the nice aluminum garage doors and hopefully that will last a good long time!  I am also looking forward to getting a new home computer.  It is nice that I have my laptop from work that we can use every weekend (and on weeknights, if need be) but it gets tiring hauling it back and forth all the time.  We will have to talk and see whether we want to purchase another desktop or a laptop.  Maybe we’ll find a great deal where we can get one of each!  Another thing that I am looking forward to in 2012 is getting away for a long weekend with Justin!  I would really like to be able to go back to Oglebay, since the last time we were there was the end of July 2010 when I was pregnant with McKenna.  We really need some “us” time since we so seldom are able to have that!  I am also looking forward to being (hopefully) more financially stable in 2012, at least in the later part of the year.  It has been really difficult since Justin has basically had his salary slashed in half since September this year!  I also am looking forward to continuing to watch McKenna grow and learn new things every day.  She is truly a joy and we are so fortunate to have her in our lives.  

Day 7: 10 Things You Want to Say to 10 People

10 Things You Want to Say to 10 People

I am not going to specify names here; some of these will be REALLY obvious and some won’t.  Don’t assume-it may or may not be directed toward you.  If you are truly that curious you can ask and I’ll let you know if one of these is directed at you-that is, if you can take it.  ;)

1. I can only hope that the universe continues to pay you back for all that you did to me and took from me.  It is difficult sometimes because all the payback in the world won’t ever make up for a wound/scar that will never quite heal.  You made me lose faith and trust in people and also made me distrust the people who I love and who love me the most, most of the time for irrational reasons.  I honestly believe that the only thing that would ever make you realize the damage that you caused is for you to have your heart shattered the same way that mine was.  Otherwise, you are so self-centered that you would never get it.  
2. You pre-judged me even before you actually met me and I was accused of things that were and are not true at all-that I may (GASP!) have had a child from my first marriage, that I was only after Justin for his money (ha ha, anyone who has an actual idea of the teaching profession is probably laughing along with me at this one), that there was something “wrong” with me because my first marriage failed.  You have made it clear that you don’t care about me, my husband, or my child and I don’t have a problem with that; in fact, I intend to keep it that way.  You never knew anything about me, and you will continue to know nothing about me (firsthand, that is, since you get all your information about us secondhand anyhow).  
3. If you don’t like where your life has ended up or you feel as if you are stuck in a rut, make an effort that will result in some type of change.  Don’t like your job?  Do something about it.  Don’t like your relationship status?  Go out there and get that guy/girl of your dreams.  Don’t just leave it up to fate to take care of these things, as sometimes fate does its job and sometimes it doesn’t.  Sometimes you have to be the one to make a choice and get out there and go for what you want.  Oh, and if you are doing nothing about it, you ARE making a choice.
4. I know things have been crazy this past year with our job situations and also with McKenna.  I know sometimes you think that I feel that you don’t love me and I can assure you that is definitely not true.  You have been there through the good, the bad and the ugly.  You make me think twice about things before I take action on them.  You are the best husband and father that I could ever hope for.  Even though I may not always show it, I hope you know how much I love you and appreciate all that you have brought to my life.  I don’t know where the hell I would be if I hadn’t met you and had this journey with you.
5. To my KenKen-you put a smile on my face every day, and even when you do crazy things like wake up at 3:00 A.M. and again at 4:30 A.M. screaming, I still love you more than anything.  You are most definitely the greatest belated birthday gift that I have ever received.  I hope that I will be the kind of mother that you can look up to and see me not only as your Mom, but also as a friend and confidant.  I promise not to tell Daddy embarrassing things about you as you get older.  ;)
6. I am so glad that even after all of the shit hit the fan that we are still friends and I know that I can come to you and talk to you about anything.  You have helped us out in a pinch with babysitting and you were the first one to volunteer to come over and watch McKenna for us when she was only a few weeks old and we were in dire need of a night out.  Thank you so much for being a great “outlaw” and for being there not only for me but for my family as well.  You will never know how much this means to me.
7. I miss you and I am sorry that you never got a chance to meet either Marley or McKenna.  I know that you would be thrilled with both of your granddaughters and that you would absolutely adore them.  I get so angry when people complain about their fathers dying when they are in their 60s, 70s, or even 80s-that’s WAY more time than we had with you.  I think of you often and especially with December 17 approaching you have been on my mind frequently.   I love you and will continue to look for your “signs” that help guide me through difficult times.
8. The world does not revolve around you, although you seem to think that it does.  Grow up and learn the definition of the word “compromise.”  Come to think of it, you need to learn what the words “empathy” and “sympathy” mean as well.  I think if you learned what those are and actually used them in your daily life then you would be a better person.  
9. Thank you for all the love and support that you provide for us on a daily basis.  Times have been rough lately and I don’t know how we would make it through without your help.  You have been through so much in the last 4 years and you have proved to me time and time again how strong you truly are.  I am so glad that I can call you not only Mom, but also my friend.  I know that you will be there to listen when I have a good day or a bad day and I know that you will be there for me through thick and thin.  We can never show you how much your love and support means to us.  
10. I don’t even know you personally and I couldn’t stand you for the longest time.  However, I need you to know that you did one of the biggest favors for me of anyone in my life-breaking up my marriage.  I only hope that if you are being treated the way that I was that you are at least semi-intelligent enough to get out while you can.  Nobody deserves to be verbally and emotionally abused, even a homewrecker like you. ;)

Day 8: Things You Hope for In 2012

I am going to cheat a bit and switch days 7 and 8.  I already have the post for day 7 and have had it completed for awhile, but it is saved in a place that I do not have access to at the current moment so it will have to wait!  It is a good post, one that I cannot wait to share!  But, here is today's post (which is actually supposed to be today's post anyhow).

Day 8:  Things You Hope for In 2012

There are several things that I am hoping for in 2012.  The main thing right now would be for Justin and I to both have stable, full-time education jobs for the 2012-2013 school year.  I hope that Justin will be able to continue working where he is currently working, but that he will be able to move to a kindergarten position.  I also hope that this position will pay him at the level he is supposed to be at, with 8 years experience at a Masters degree level.  I am hoping that I will be able to continue working at my school as a school counselor.  I have heard (unofficially) that they are no longer talking about cutting an elementary school counselor position for next school year, and I am hoping that is the case.  Seeing as I am now the counselor on the very bottom of the totem pole (since the only person below me left for another job in another place), I would be the one on the chopping block.  I also hope that at some point Justin and I will be able to either stop working our second jobs or that we will just be able to use the money for fun things, or to save for McKenna for college.  Right now we need to work our second jobs just to make ends meet, and with my second job being seasonal, that doesn't make things any easier.  Justin stopped working his second job this past March or April so that he could spend more time at home on the weekends and evenings with McKenna and I.  Unfortunately he recently had to re-apply and will start working again tomorrow (after teaching a full day) from 6:00-10:15.  Then of course he will have to get up on Tuesday morning and teach all day again!  I am hoping that 2012 will be a time when we don't have to worry so much about how we are going to pay all the bills on time, buy groceries, etc. 
I am also hoping that in 2012 we may have a little brother or sister for McKenna!  We're not getting any younger and I don't want our kids to be too far apart in age (2-3 years apart would be great).  I tell people that I am not having any kids past the age of 38, and I always get the "Oh, people have kids into their 40s nowadays" line.  That is fine for other people, but it is not what we plan on doing.  So, if I am talking to you about having another child or children and I tell you that my cutoff age is 38, please don't tell me what I stated above.  I would like to be under 60 when my kids graduate from high school, thank you very much. 
I also hope that in 2012 I can re-connect with some friends that I have been out of touch with.  There are a couple in particular that I have not been very good at keeping in touch with and I'd like to be a better friend and better about keeping in touch with them.
I think that's a pretty good explanation of my hopes for the coming year. It will be interesting to see how many of them actually come to fruition. 

Day 5: Describe an Adventure You Had This Year and Day 6: Any Words of Wisdom/Advice for Anyone?

Day 5: Describe an adventure you had this year.

Once again I am a bad blogger.  Not having a computer that works at home and refusing to drag my laptop home every single night has not helped either.  Not to sound redundant, but an adventure that I have had this year is starting my position as a school counselor.  When I was working on my Masters degree and when I did my internship, I had always had my heart set on becoming a high school counselor.  Never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine that I would become an elementary school counselor (and even stranger to me) that I would absolutely love working with kids in grades kindergarten through four!  I have all different types of things that I do every week (sometimes every day but not always), which include but are not limited to the following:  individual counseling, small group counseling, classroom guidance, RTI meeting coordinator, 504 plan coordinator/writer of 504 plans/504 plan reviews, coordination of testing weeks in October and April (I'm still amazed that I pulled that one off in October, pretty much all by my lonesome-it included distributing tests to all of our 2nd, 3rd, and 4th grade teachers, figuring out appropriate places for our students who have IEPs and 504 plans to test, and rearranging some schedules to make sure that all classes still had their specials, like art, phys. ed., and music).  I also have been in charge of Thanksgiving food basket distribution for needy families at my school and I have also been in charge of our Giving Tree program this holiday season.  Thanks to the generosity of the teachers and staff in my building, the children of 10 families in my building will be able to have holiday gifts this year.  I would estimate that there are easily 50-60 gifts sitting in my office right now, and I am sure that I will be getting more in before the due date of Wednesday this week!  It has been an adjustment but I really love my counselor position and hope that it will not be one of the positions that gets cut for next school year, as my district still has to make $2 million in cuts for next school year. 

Day 6:  Any words of wisdom/advice for anyone?

I am generally an outspoken person but I am learning that there are times to voice your opinion and times when you should keep your opinions to yourself.  I think that there are many people that I know that would benefit from this.

Also, enjoy each day and try to live it to its fullest.  Life is too short and goes by way too fast.  I feel as if I'm going to turn around and McKenna will be 18 and heading off to college already. 

Day 3: A Person Who Has Impacted Your Life in Some Way This Year & Day 4: Something You've Learned This Year

Day 3:  A Person Who Has Impacted Your Life in Some Way This Year

A person who has impacted my life this year is the principal at my school, Mrs. Donna Bambic.  She has been there for me since the very beginning of the school year and has always answered my questions, no matter how silly they sometimes seem.  She has assisted me with students, presentations, parent meetings, and many other things.  Not that I am trying to make excuses or anything, but going from teaching high school French for 10 ½ years and then going to a school counselor position at a K-4 elementary building is a BIG jump.  I also really enjoy Donna because she tells it like it is, with both staff and students.  Hmm, I think I know someone else who does that! J  Another thing that I like is that she is not afraid to push me out of my comfort zone.  For example, I received an e-mail at the beginning of the very first week of school that said, “Please have an anti-bullying presentation prepared by Friday so that you can present it to our students in grades 1-4!”  Talk about baptism by fire!  She had me hit the ground running and I don’t think that I’ve stopped since.  I feel that she has had a huge impact on my professional life and in my personal life as well, as she has told me several times that family always comes first.  I had to leave halfway through the day on the second day of school because my daughter had her 9 month well visit, and she didn’t hesitate at all when I told her I would have to leave work early because of it.  She just told me that she was sure I’d make up the time eventually (which I am more than certain by this point that I have).  She is a great leader, well-respected, and a person who truly cares about what is best for the students and the staff in her school.  

Day 4:  Something You’ve Learned This Year

My husband and I have always had a friendly debate over education.  Until this past school year, I had always worked at the secondary/high school level.  This is his ninth year teaching and he has always been in an elementary setting (grades K-3).  We would always talk about which grade levels had more work to do-elementary or high school.  I always insisted that high school teachers had more work to do, as most of the time we have 2, 3, or 4 preps (I almost always had 3 preps-usually French I, II and III-there were maybe 2 years out of the almost 11 that I taught French that I only had 2 preps), grading, photocopying, etc.  He would argue with me that elementary school teachers had more work to do, as they essentially have 4 different “preps” each day, with reading/spelling/phonics, math, science, and social studies.  At the high school level we usually had 1 planning period that was almost 50 minutes long and then another “duty period” which in essence was another almost 50 minute planning period.  My husband said that they only got planning when their students went to specials, like art, music, or PE and then if they either came in to school early or stayed late.  I usually pooh-pooed his idea of elementary education being more difficult, and went on believing that high school teachers worked so much harder.  

Now, after almost an entire semester spent working in an elementary building, I can say that he was the one who was correct in this argument.  Elementary school teachers bust their asses EVERY.SINGLE.DAY.  The majority of them are at school way early and a lot stay way late to get their work done, get ahead in planning lessons, or get caught up from underneath the slew of paperwork that they have to grade.  They spend more of what I would consider “quality” time with their students where the students are truly engaged in the learning process.  When I worked at the high school, many (if not most) of the teachers were out the door at 2:30, when we were allowed to leave.  Yes, there were (and are) some that stayed late and also arrived early, but I see way more of that at the elementary level.  

This distinction and fact is definitely something that I have learned this year and that I have already shared with my husband.  He was happy to have been right about something for once.  J

Day 2: How Much Have You Changed Overall in 2011?

Day 2:  How much have you changed overall in 2011?  

Hmm, interesting question and when I answer this it may sound quite contradictory.  In many ways I have grown more patient.  Raising a 1 year old daughter and also working in a school building with nearly 500 kids in grades K-4 will do that to you though, I guess.  I like the calmer, less hot-headed side of me.  On the flip side, I also think that I am less willing to put up with people’s bullshit.  I don’t beat around the bush-if there is something that I would like to get an answer to I will go to that person or those people and ask.  If you are going against something in writing or something that you previously said to me, I will fight you until the final outcome of that decision.  I also think that I have grown less naïve.  I have learned that even though you may have been working for some place or someone for quite a long time it doesn’t mean that they are going to save your ass when you are in a bad position.  Basically, loyalty and providing good service means squat.  I would never have thought that way before this year.  I am also really enjoying spending time with my family.  We had a really small but nice Thanksgiving dinner/celebration and I am sure that Christmas will be largely the same.  I am looking forward to that in a few short weeks!

2011 Conclusion/2012 Introduction Challenge

It's been quite some time since I've blogged-I thought that maybe if I did a blog challenge I'd be a bit better about keeping up with blogging!  Here are the topics for the next 10 days...

Day 1: What has been your most memorable moment in 2011?
Day 2: How much have you changed overall in 2011?
Day 3: A person who has impacted your life in some way this year.
Day 4: Something you’ve learned this year.
Day 5: Describe an adventure you had this year.
Day 6:  Any words of wisdom/advice for anyone?
Day 7: 10 things you want to say 10 people.
Day 8: Things you hope for in 2012.
Day 9: What are you looking forward to in 2012?
Day 10: Anything you wish to say to end 2011/start 2012.

Day 1: What has been your most memorable moment in 2011?

Unfortunately my most memorable moment in 2011 was not a good one.  It happened in October, when our assistant superintendent came to school with the RIF letters for the people that would lose their jobs at the beginning of second semester (January 23, 2012) if the school levy failed on November 8.  I brought in a union rep with me, as I thoroughly believed (and still do) that if I got RIFed from my school counselor position that I should be able to go back to the high school and teach French.  I sat there with the assistant superintendent and explained our family situation to him (husband got RIFed after 8 years teaching in the same district, now working as a permanent sub in a different district, yearly pay now cut to half of what he was previously making, I am the primary source of income and hold our year old daughter's health insurance, etc.) and got absolutely NO sympathy.  I managed not to cry (almost happened, but I told myself silently that I would NOT cry) and told our AS that he would be hearing from me if the levy didn't pass in November and I lost my job in January.  I fully intended to file a grievance against our school district if that had come to pass.  Fortunately, the levy DID pass on November 8 and I do have a job for the rest of the school year.  Unfortunately we are still in a $2 million deficit and we have to make more cuts for next school year.  I'm not sure where that will leave me-as a school counselor, a French teacher, or with no job.  All I know for sure is that when it boils down to it it's all about the money-the higher ups don't give a shit if you've been a loyal employee for 11 years and you are a tenured teacher with 2 different K-12 teaching licenses.  That's the part of all this that's truly scary.  Teaching used to be such a "safe" profession to be in-not so much any more.