Day 2: How Much Have You Changed Overall in 2011?

Day 2:  How much have you changed overall in 2011?  

Hmm, interesting question and when I answer this it may sound quite contradictory.  In many ways I have grown more patient.  Raising a 1 year old daughter and also working in a school building with nearly 500 kids in grades K-4 will do that to you though, I guess.  I like the calmer, less hot-headed side of me.  On the flip side, I also think that I am less willing to put up with people’s bullshit.  I don’t beat around the bush-if there is something that I would like to get an answer to I will go to that person or those people and ask.  If you are going against something in writing or something that you previously said to me, I will fight you until the final outcome of that decision.  I also think that I have grown less naïve.  I have learned that even though you may have been working for some place or someone for quite a long time it doesn’t mean that they are going to save your ass when you are in a bad position.  Basically, loyalty and providing good service means squat.  I would never have thought that way before this year.  I am also really enjoying spending time with my family.  We had a really small but nice Thanksgiving dinner/celebration and I am sure that Christmas will be largely the same.  I am looking forward to that in a few short weeks!

2011 Conclusion/2012 Introduction Challenge

It's been quite some time since I've blogged-I thought that maybe if I did a blog challenge I'd be a bit better about keeping up with blogging!  Here are the topics for the next 10 days...

Day 1: What has been your most memorable moment in 2011?
Day 2: How much have you changed overall in 2011?
Day 3: A person who has impacted your life in some way this year.
Day 4: Something you’ve learned this year.
Day 5: Describe an adventure you had this year.
Day 6:  Any words of wisdom/advice for anyone?
Day 7: 10 things you want to say 10 people.
Day 8: Things you hope for in 2012.
Day 9: What are you looking forward to in 2012?
Day 10: Anything you wish to say to end 2011/start 2012.

Day 1: What has been your most memorable moment in 2011?

Unfortunately my most memorable moment in 2011 was not a good one.  It happened in October, when our assistant superintendent came to school with the RIF letters for the people that would lose their jobs at the beginning of second semester (January 23, 2012) if the school levy failed on November 8.  I brought in a union rep with me, as I thoroughly believed (and still do) that if I got RIFed from my school counselor position that I should be able to go back to the high school and teach French.  I sat there with the assistant superintendent and explained our family situation to him (husband got RIFed after 8 years teaching in the same district, now working as a permanent sub in a different district, yearly pay now cut to half of what he was previously making, I am the primary source of income and hold our year old daughter's health insurance, etc.) and got absolutely NO sympathy.  I managed not to cry (almost happened, but I told myself silently that I would NOT cry) and told our AS that he would be hearing from me if the levy didn't pass in November and I lost my job in January.  I fully intended to file a grievance against our school district if that had come to pass.  Fortunately, the levy DID pass on November 8 and I do have a job for the rest of the school year.  Unfortunately we are still in a $2 million deficit and we have to make more cuts for next school year.  I'm not sure where that will leave me-as a school counselor, a French teacher, or with no job.  All I know for sure is that when it boils down to it it's all about the money-the higher ups don't give a shit if you've been a loyal employee for 11 years and you are a tenured teacher with 2 different K-12 teaching licenses.  That's the part of all this that's truly scary.  Teaching used to be such a "safe" profession to be in-not so much any more. 

Wake Me Up When September Ends

Ah, September.  This is possibly my one month of the year where absolutely NOTHING goes on.  I used to have a wedding anniversary to look forward to, but not any more.  I am perfectly fine with that.  I had almost expected to be bitter on September 15, thinking that it would have been 10 years and that I should have been heading to Tahiti to celebrate.  However, September 15 came and went and I never, at any point during the day or night, thought about that.  I have been so busy with my new job that I don't have time to think about inconsequential things like a wedding anniversary that will never be. 
When August rolls around I always have to think about getting ready to go back to school.  In October we have NEOEA day and Halloween. In November of course, we get our turkey on, we'll be celebrating McKenna's first birthday, and in December we have Christmas and New Year's Eve.  September is just there.  It is just a great big stretch of 30 days of BLAH.  I am ready for September to be over.  Maybe by the end of September I will know if I will have a huge setback from the goal that I finally reached after 4 years.  Maybe by the end of September I will be able to come to grips with the fact that what I have worked so hard for and what I have attained can be taken away oh so quickly.  I haven't felt this relaxed and happy in years in my career and come January it may just not be there.  I'm getting frustrated with those that say, "Well, at least you'll still have a job."  Apparently that's the attitude we're all supposed to take in this economy.  It's way too much to ask that you have a job that you're happy to be at every day-you just have to be happy that you have A job.  It's so frustrating that the power is out of my hands and I have no say in any of this.  If all of this comes to pass and further action takes place, I may be out of a job altogether at the end of this school year.  In that case, I'm going back to school to get a nursing degree.  All this bullshit makes me wonder if that's the path that I should have chosen in the first place, back in good old 1996.  September, please hurry up and end.  I just want to know what's going to happen to me work-wise and when you are over I will have things to look forward to.  I don't know if I can stand you for the next 12 days.
Until then, I remain,
Jenuinely Yours 

Aw, I'm Growing Up (How Cute) and Other Random Word Vomit

This past week I've gotten a glimpse of how I'm (finally) growing up.  As the reality of heading back to school is setting in for both of us, I am realizing how much I will miss spending time with my family.  A week from Monday I am supposed to be going to a dinner/spa night/ladies night at a restaurant that is "local" but is a bit of a drive for me.  I have been to these dinners before, they are fun and are relatively inexpensive for a night out.  The other night I sat back and thought to myself, "I don't really feel like going.  I'd rather come home from work and spend time with Justin and McKenna."  Doesn't look like I'm going to go to the dinner then, which is fine with me. 
Another instance of growing up this week has been putting the concept of compromise into action.  My husband can be a horrible procrastinator at times.  Especially when both of us are teaching.  I could never understand how he wouldn't start on his lesson plans until 9:00 P.M. on Sunday (for the week that was starting the next day) and wouldn't finish for 2 or 3 hours because he did his plans while he was watching TV and was therefore probably a bit distracted.  Of course since I am organized beyond all belief and somewhat anal when it comes to lesson planning, I would go in to work each Monday morning and write my lesson plans for the next week to come, therefore I was always a week ahead with my lesson plans (see where I am going here?  Total opposites when it comes to some school things).  Well, with being a counselor this year I am free from lesson planning, at least for the most part.  I will still have to plan for when I do classroom guidance, but that's O.K.  Justin is going to be a permanent substitute for second grade and it is his first time ever teaching second grade-he has taught kindergarten, third grade, and when he student taught he taught first grade-but never second.  I used to get very frustrated when he would follow his procrastination pattern on Sunday nights, seeing as he had taught kindergarten for seven years I never understood how it took him so long to write his plans.  I told him the other day that I would not nag him or whine to him when he does his lesson plans, since he is teaching a new grade in a new school district, but in exchange he has to write his lesson plans in a more timely fashion (e.g., not at 9 P.M. on a Sunday).  He told me that this year it should be easier for him to write his lesson plans as he has actual materials for each subject (although the verdict is still out on Science; we haven't seen any textbooks for that subject yet) and he won't have to create items or supplement items like he had to do all the time when he taught kindergarten.  We haven't gotten to the point where he has written any lesson plans, so I'll have to see how it turns out.  I am trying to be a better spouse by compromising with him though.
In other news that is not really related to growing up, I had my excision done yesterday at my dermatologist's office.  I don't remember if I mentioned it before, but back in July I went in for a full body check and they removed four moles because they looked darker than the others.  These moles were sent to a pathologist at a lab and it was found that one on the back of my right thigh had "abnormal cells" around it.  I had to set up an appointment for an excision around the spot, which basically means that they took out a football shaped chunk out of the back of my right thigh and then had to stitch it up.  Originally the doctor only wanted to put in the interior stitches that dissolve, but the spot is in such an awkward location (basically when I sit in a chair or in my car it hits that spot) that he wanted to put an extra row of exterior stitches in.  He was concerned about it leaving a scar, but I told him that it was fine, it's on the back of my leg and no one is going to see it.  The procedure took less than an hour, was relatively painless, and leaves me with the peace of mind that I could possibly have prevented skin cancer from developing in that spot in the future. 
Other changes are coming too.  In addition to Justin getting a job (as previously mentioned above, but not many specifics given) as a second grade permanent substitute I will be starting my first year as a school counselor also in a new building.  I am in the same district, though.  I am excited but a bit nervous as there is a lot to do and a lot to learn.  I am looking forward to doing and learning new things though.  Justin will be a permanent sub for five months but I have been assured by other people in his building that the teacher he is subbing for will not come back and will be out for the rest of the school year.  This is good for him because it can possibly lead to a more permanent teaching position for next school year.  I am so glad that things worked out for him and that he was able to find something good this late in the game (he just got hired a week ago)!
There are some other changes on the horizon that are coming up that I have mixed feelings about.  I don't feel like going in to much detail about that right now, but we'll see how that all pans out. 
I am happy to see that I am finally "growing up" and doing things that will strengthen my family life and my marriage.  It feels good to be a grown-up.
Until next time, I remain,
Jenuinely Yours

The One in Which I Try to Start Some Controversy

Earlier today I was catching up reading blogs on my iPhone and I came across the perfect one.  It was written by Brooke, of By the Brooke, and it was able to get across an idea/belief/concept that I have never quite been able to get across.  I couldn't say it any better than Brooke did, so if you are interested, you can read her blog entry here http://bythebrooke.blogspot.com/2011/08/in-which-i-get-annoying-philosophical.html
If you have ever said to someone in a time of strife, heartbreak or utter devestation, "Everything happens for a reason" then I think that you should read Brooke's post.  If you believe in this concept or theory then it is even more strongly suggested that you read Brooke's post.
If you know me, you know that I love to stir the pot from time to time...if you do have a chance to read Brooke's post, let me know what you think of it.  Also let me know if your belief/thought/subscription to this theory changed or not.
In case you were wondering, I do NOT subscribe to this belief or theory.  First of all, I am not even sure if there is any God or any type of higher being.  In my life there have just been too many things that have happened that are NOT explained by the "everything happens for a reason" belief/theory, at least not to my satisfaction.  Maybe if you believe in this particular theory, you can explain why my father died at the ripe young age of 48 due to liver cancer when he had always been previously healthy.  Maybe you can explain to me why my first husband had to go and screw around with other women and break my heart almost beyond repair.  Maybe you can explain to me why it took 10 months and a (fortunately) successful round of Clomid for Justin and I to conceive McKenna.  Perhaps you can even explain and justify to me why James just died this past July 31 at the ripe young age of 35 and couldn't unfortunately beat the alcoholism that had plagued him for so many years.  Don't try to convince me that the "everything happens for a reason" belief/theory is correct, because this wise consumer isn't buying it.  If you choose to believe in that, it is your decision, but don't try to twist and fit your beliefs into the terrible things that have happened in my life. 
My Dad said at one point when he was being eaten alive by cancer, "These are the cards we've been dealt and yes, they suck.  We have to work with the hand that we've been dealt."  Yes Dad, that is so very true.  There doesn't have to be a reason or justification for why things happen...sometimes they just do and it just sucks.  I wish that people would just take things for what they are and not try to rationalize them with some bullshit theory. 

Cell Phone Etiquette from a Non-Expert

I would never claim to be an expert on any type of etiquette, but lately I have been thinking and I have been a witness to several different types of rude cell phone behaviors.  Are you an offender?  Read on and find out...
1.  Do you read texts, e-mails, etc. and giggle out loud in front of other people?  If you do this, hopefully you share with the other people what you found so funny.  If you do read and giggle and don't share, it just makes you seem rude and immature.  Keep the giggle in if it's something you find humorous and don't want to share with others.
2.  When out at a restaurant with a friend, relative, co-worker, etc. do you immediately (maybe even before you have been seated) remove your cell phone from your purse or pocket and plunk it down on the table?  This is extremely rude, as it gives your friend, relative, co-worker, etc. the impression that you are waiting for a text, call, e-mail, etc. that is more important than the company that is sitting right across from you.  I feel sorry for you if you can't enjoy a meal with someone else for an hour or two without checking your phone.  It is horribly inconsiderate.  If both or all parties have their phones on the table then shame on everyone. 
3.  Do you check your cell during a movie in a dark movie theater?  Once again, I feel sorry for you if you can't enjoy a movie (that you probably spent at least $9, if not more) for an hour and a half or two without checking your phone.  We went and saw Harry Potter a couple of weeks ago and this guy right across the aisle from me kept checking his iPhone every 20 or 25 minutes.  It was extremely rude and annoying.  I wanted to walk across the aisle and punch him in the face.  I don't give a crap if your favorite sports team is playing, the score will still be there and your team will have won or lost regardless of whether or not you check your phone every 20 minutes.  Give it a rest.

These are the most annoying cell phone behaviors that I have noticed lately.  Hopefully if you are reading this and can identify with any of the above behaviors you will stop and think the next time you are in a situation where these behaviors might manifest themselves again.
By the way, #2 can also be applied to people who check their watch frequently when you are out with them.  I have been on that side of the fence, it made me feel like shit, and made me feel like this person had way more "important" things to do and other more "important" people to see.  Please don't overbook yourself-if you don't have time to do something with someone or have somewhere else to be later on, then be honest with that person and choose another date.
Until next time, I remain,
Jenuinely Yours

Where Has All the Romance Gone?

This is a question that I've been thinking about a lot lately.  Now I would by no means consider myself an expert on romance, seeing as I've only been married for a total of eight years (and that includes 6 years of being married to my ex and 2 years of being married to Justin).  I have had a few long-term relationships in addition to my marriages, and the same thing always seems to happen...romance at first, then bang, pop, fizzle-not in a good way.  I can remember when Justin and I first started dating, back in the summer of 2007.  We would cook dinner for each other, bring each other flowers, give each other "just because" cards, go on fun dates, etc.  Of course I realize that many, if not most, relationships begin just like this.  We probably kept this going throughout the first year of our marriage, and then we started TTC.  I of course wanted a honeymoon baby, so we definitely did our part when we were in Riveria Maya, Mexico!  No baby that month.  I had been charting for a few months at that point and started using OPKs as well, so I would say that this was probably the beginning of the breaking point of romance.  When you are having issues TTC and have to plan out when you are going to have sex, it really takes the romance out of things.  I am sure there are those of you out there saying to yourself, "Oh, you could have kept it fun, worn lingerie, used 'marital aids', etc."  Hey, if you haven't had problems TTC (and yes I'm talking to those of you who conceived successfully after one or two cycles) don't judge.  Once you have been TTC for 10 months the fun, spontaneity, and romance definitely flies out the window.  I truly feel for people who deal with infertility and can't even imagine how possibly nonexistent the romance could be in that situation.  Doing it became more of a chore rather than something that was to be enjoyed.  If you've been in this situation you probably know all too well what I'm talking about.  Fast forward to when I finally got pregnant (February 2010) and then things got better-we had lots of fun, did some spontaneous things like going down to Oglebay for a few days, and then along came McKenna in November.  After having her I didn't feel much like doing anything but getting a good night's sleep.  Once we got past the 6 week "don't you dare touch her" period (and yes, we did wait that entire time, I think it might have actually been 7 weeks) I didn't fear and dread doing the deed again.  It was more along the lines of let's do this and get it over with I know it's not going to be the most comfortable thing in the world.  Since baby made 3 not much has been going on.  Sure, we have had a couple of nights where either my Mom or my sister has taken McKenna overnight and we have been able to be spontaneous and romantic again.  It's difficult when we are at home though and she is napping or maybe we have put her to bed and Justin puts his hand on my leg and McKenna starts fussing or crying.  I swear that child has a sensor on her and she knows when we want to get it on.  When we are able to get down to the deed it just is lacking in romance.  Do it, get it done before the baby wakes up, starts fussing, gets us out of whatever mood we may have been in.  Granted, McKenna is only 7 and a half months old so she still has her moments (which results in us not having our moments, if you catch my drift).  I have had friends who have older children assure me that things do get better.  My friend that I was talking to the other night has a little boy who will turn 3 in September.  I don't know how I will deal with this for another 2 years.  I am sure it will get better, just as I am sure that we will have to start putting forth some more effort into "getting romantical" as Justin would say.  We'll have to start doing those fun, spontaneous things again, such as buying flowers and greeting cards "just because".  I may have to pull out the lingerie again, as much as I sometimes think it is a waste (it just comes off anyhow, right)?  I am not a dummy, I know that any relationship takes work, especially a marriage where a child has recently been added to the mix.  Hopefully we will eventually get back to that place where romance was something that we didn't have to really even think about or plan.  I am looking forward to getting to that point again.